Well, I’ve just watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and let me tell you something about my Christmas Cheer. No, wait, first let me describe my eyes right now. They’ve gone from this:
My eyes before
To this:
My eyes after
And how about my heart. When this movie began, my heart looked a little something like this:
This heart looks too small
Well, now it looks something more like this:
Now that's a big heart!
Maybe you couldn’t see it exactly. It’s because the handheld x-ray machine thing broke. Because of how big my heart was. Anyway, that’s how big they say it is down in Whoville anyway.
I tell you what, if you want to know about what Christmas is all about, ask a Jew. Ask a Jew like Theodore Geisel, and he’ll probably have a good idea. Because really, what are the conflicts in this modern day secular Christian-interpretation-of-a-pagan-holiday that we celebrate? We should probably address commercialism, and family, and the spirit of giving and forgiveness? Well, I guess Dr. Ted Geisel has dealt with all that, so there’s no more that can be discussed here. How the Grinch Stole Christmas is the definitive text.
But this makes it a certain sort of Christmas movie. There are a finite number of sorts of Christmas movies, and I think it’s worth our time (the movie and the number of cups of “Christmas Cheer” I’ve consumed help inform this decision) to investigate the types and archetypes of Christmas movies that inhabit our canon.
Type the first: Revisitation (Dickens)
"More of gravy than of grave..."
Image above is from the archetypal example, namely “Scrooge”, or, as released in the States, “A Christmas Carol”. But we’re talking here about A Christmas Carol, as released in GB in 1785 (this is my arbitrary guess, as informed by above amounts of “cheer”). There are definitely a bunch of Christmas classics that basically are formed around this story, even if we’re just counting the direct adaptations, i.e. It’s a Very Mickey Mouse Christmas, or whatever it’s called:
Is there anyone who doesn’t remember that bountiful Ghost of Christmas Present in great detail? It’s etched into my childhood psyche, along with the line about pistacchios. Weeeeeird. Or Bill Murray in Scrooged? How creepy was that when that golf ball came out of that skeleton’s face? Anyway, I cry every time I watch this movie, both from sadness (you know that time when he thought that he saw Fan again, but it was just an image from his past? Or when he learns about Christmas and it’s so great?) and from joy. The Alistair Sim version is the only version.
Innumerable characters have found their way into this story, and if you’re a TV producer looking for a pre-sold Christmas story to warm hearts, you can go Scrooge or you can go:
It’s a Wonderful Life. Capra. He does it right. My Cultural Studies professor, the super-foxy Mr. Ned Schantz, did a lecture on this movie one time and my mind was blown (I had a dream about this guy LAST NIGHT!), so it must be something special. Something about telecommunications with the telephone and the bells, something about the suburbs, i.e. Bailey Farms or whatever. I don’t know. I wasn’t even able to retain it it was so brilliant. Anyway, lots of shows rock this trope, and Being Erica is basically based on this movie, so she should show some respect to George Bailey/ James Stewart and not be such an idiot.
How many times do you cry in this movie? I cry when Uncle Billy just lost the money and George calls him names, which is so sad because he’s just an idiot but what’s George going to do? And I cry when he goes home and smashes his little symbolic town, and then I cry again when he goes to see Ma Bailey and she’s all fucked up, and then when he finds Zuzu’s petals and he’s so happy, and then basically from when he sees his kids to the end of the movie, with a suppressed sob when his brother calls him “the richest man in town”. Basically, I’m a wreck throughout.
White Christmas. I just read about 50 words of the Wikipedia article on this movie, and it was too long and I got bored. I’ve seen this movie about ten times, and as of today (thank you parents!) I have two copies, but I’ll be damned if I can remember the plot, or distinguish it from Holiday Inn in any way. Did that talk of being damned make anyone else think of their Grandmothers? Anyone else remember too late to call their Grandmothers? No? Anyway, White Christmas gets extra points for also being at least partially penned by a Jewish person, Irving Berlin. Also now that I think of it It’s a Wonderful Life was probably a Columbia production, and Columbia was probably run by Harry Cohen. Just saying. Jewish people kind of get Christmas.
So, we’ve talked about Christmas movies for a while. The main point is that I really love Christmas movies. If anyone has missed any of these gems, check them out. In order of most important to least:
1. The Shop Around the Corner
This is a Lubitsch picture, which holds a certain weight. Certainly a masterfully directed film. Good for anyone who doesn’t know old movies, or for anyone who hasn’t seen/ hates You’ve Got Mail, the desperate remake by bad bad Nora Ephron. This film is notable only for its shot of Meg Ryan’s hands, and how they make her look really old.
2. Remember the Night
I think this is Mitchell Leisen, or someone else with a non-auteury light touch (Sandrich, I’m talking to you). It re-pairs (and repairs) Fred MacMurry (Fort MacMurry to his friends) and Barbara Stanwyck in a sort of romantic or dramatic kind of way. Stanwyck is a criminal, and MacMurry is her prosecuting attorney, but he takes pity on her because it’s Christmas and agrees to take her home to see her estranged mother on his way home for the holidays. Love ensues, probably.
3. The Ref
I think the main reason I like this movie is Kevin Spacey’s performance. I just love him, and I always thought the kid in this was Will Wheaton, but I guess it’s not. Also the wife reminds me of my mom, not in a bad way, just in the candles and weird food way.
4. Christmas in Connecticut
This movie predates and pre-imagines Martha Stewart, so that’s cool. And Barbara Stanwyck and Charles Coburn make a pretty good team. It’s a bit ‘woman in the kitchen’ for me though, even though it starts out progressive. It’s like one of those Hepburn-Tracey movies where you think it’s going to be women’s lib, and then she learns about serving her man in the last half hour and you’re like “oh, never mind”.
5. Elf
How charming is this movie? Am I wrong? It’s hit and miss, but it definitely makes me laugh, so that’s a win.
The End! Merry Christmas/6th Night of Hanukkah!
i tell you what 